Good Riddance to 2020

I can’t believe it’s the end of 2020 (finally!).

This is a brief piece I wrote mostly to help myself as we say Goodbye and Good Riddance to 2020. But many of the challenges we’ve faced this year have been shared by all of us. So I hope some of my reflections, and attempts to make sense of my feelings, and feel hopeful about the future, can be helpful to you too.

I find the end of the year to be a naturally reflective time.

There is often a tendency to think back to what happened over the course of the year, what we hoped to do, what we did, what we failed, what we succeeded at. To think back to what we did last New Year’s eve, and the expectations we had then, for the year to come. We might compare those expectations with the reality of what happened. And we might compare this New Year with the last.

It can be a tough time of year. Comparison and reflection can easily lead to feelings of regret, disappointment, and self-criticism.

But, hopefully, it also comes with a sense of renewed energy, maybe even renewed hope. Next year will be different. I will set new goals. I will do things differently. I will change this or that in my life…

Easier said than done of course, and I often need to remind myself of that. But, in mental health, hope and motivation to make positive change are a wonderful place to start!

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It feels particularly tough to reflect on 2020. As it draws to an end, rather than feeling relief, I’ve found myself feeling kinda bleak. So this is me attempting to make sense of my feelings and put them into a context that helps…

It’s been a strange and disturbing and unexpected year. It’s been so filled with uncertainty and doubt, confusion, miscommunication, and distrust, on a global scale.

I find myself reflecting on how I’ve adjusted my expectations for 2021 in light of this. And I realise that I’ve considerably lowered them. Thinking back to a year ago, and my hopes, projects and plans for 2020, I now feel very disconnected from them, even a sense of disbelief that I had them… only a year ago, and yet it feels like ages ago.

For me, this disconnect comes from a feeling of insecurity – I have no idea what will happen in the future, so how could I possibly hope or plan for it?

I feel profoundly shaken by the uncertainty we’ve experienced this year.

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But then… it’s absolutely normal to be confronted with unexpected changes throughout our lives. No one can escape them. We (if you’re anything like me) let ourselves believe that we’re in control of far more than we actually are. Whilst this provides a sense of comfort when things are going according to plan, it tends to lead to a lot of distress when something unexpected happens that we have little or no control over.

It’s worth remembering that even with unexpected changes happening all the time throughout life, we do recover and adapt… and start making new plans and having new expectations… and believing we are in control once again. People are resilient in this way.

Note to self: Try not to forget that I am only in control of me; my attitudes, my actions, my motivation.

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It feels like we are living in a very different world from last year. But, is it really so different? Covid has led to so many changes in how we live, but so much about the world and about life goes on unchanged. The natural world continues doing its thing, people keep doing their thing (for the most part), the seasons keep on changing, the world keeps turning.

I find this somewhat soothing and grounding. It’s so easy to get caught up in the disruptions that affect us, and forget about what hasn’t changed.

Connecting with nature, and experiencing its constant presence and predictable, gradual changes, feels like a wonderful break from the unexpected and seemingly sudden changes we’ve experienced this year. It gives me a sense of stability and security, and had become a hugely important part of my self-care.

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This is something positive that has come out of 2020; a greater focus on self-care. We’ve been forced to slow down. We’ve had to think about our mental and physical health, and how we can maintain some level of wellbeing whilst not being able to do things we might usually do to feel well, or avoid our feelings altogether. We’ve adapted, and coped with the uncertainty and change as best as we could given the resources we have. That’s something to feel proud of.

On a broader scale, as unsettling as it’s been, a year of change and disruption is not necessarily a bad thing. It helps us – individuals, communities, societies – to see that change is possible and forces us to think critically about the norm. 2020 has seen people rise up against norms, look out for people more vulnerable than them, and fight for their rights. It’s seen people work together and support each other. More than I ever have previously, I feel like a spark of change has been lit this year.

All in all, living this, being a part of the world right now, and witnessing the desire for positive change gives me so much hope.

So, although I feel exhausted from 2020, have few expectations for 2021, and a strong aversion to making any plans… and despite there being so many terrifying, frustrating, and disheartening things happening in the world… I hold onto my hope for the future. I hope you do too.

And if none of the above helps, remember New Year is just another day. It only needs to be as meaningful as you want it to be.

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That’s it from me for 2020. Apologies for not (at least not at this point in my life) being the most consistent writer! But a big Thank You for your support and interest, for reading and engaging with my writing. Wishing you all the best for 2021!

Happy New Year!